Today’s post is a bit more personal than most. It’s the start of what I hope will be a more open and honest relationship with those of you reading my site.
This past fall I took a few risks in my business. My my monetization and income sources changed pretty dramatically – for the better. I was tuning into my fav Alicia Keyes tune multiple times a day. I felt like the world was at my feet and I was on FIRE.
I was so excited I decided to use “this girl is on fire” as the theme for Snap.
I didn’t realize that my flame would be dangerously close to burning out by the time April rolled around…
In the midst of conference planning, my life changed irrevocably. My relationship ended. It wasn’t something I expected, nor was it my choice.
I am blessed to have a career that I love and a family in the Snap community, but “my boys” were truly my whole world. It broke my heart to loose them and I quickly spiraled downward into a deep, dark depression. I was overwhelmed with feeling unworthy and not good enough for anyone or anything. It was bad.
One and a half months before Snap, I found myself faced with regular panic attacks about being on stage. I was concerned enough that I started making arrangements to have close friends back me up if I couldn’t manage to get up in front of everyone at the conference. Not being able to get a handle on some of the abilities that have always come naturally to me was terrifying.
I needed help, but I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my inability to remain in control of my life (and still do to an extent). Luckily, I have a great family, close friends and a church leader who stepped in to keep the storm that was raging around me from overwhelming and extinguishing my flame. At their urging, I was able to get the help I needed to start the healing process.After Snap I stepped completely away from business, the blog and social media to concentrate on healing my soul and ridding my life of the situational depression that was weighing me down. I know my absence has been noticed and I appreciate all of the messages and comments over the last month and a half.
Having said that, I realize that blogs aren’t what they used to be and many of you aren’t daily followers. You may not have noticed that I’ve been missing, because you pick up posts here and there from Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest – that’s part of the reason why I am sharing my story with you today.
The images typically shared on social media are the best of the best. They’re the result of several dozen shots, instead of the one candid moment they appear to be. There are influencers who post about luxury while deeply in debt, people who post about how “in love” they are with their spouse when the marriage is in real trouble and individuals with thousands and thousands of followers who are lonely and depressed.
It was hard to share my internal struggle with strangers when I first sought help for my struggle with situational depression and it’s difficult to share my situation with you now. I hope it reminds you that what you see on social media (or on stage) is filtered. In real life everyone struggles with something…even if it’s behind the scenes.
If YOU’RE struggling whether it be with depression or something entirely different, reach out, get help and know that everyone can identify in some way…
As for me, I am grateful to be living a more balanced life. I am easing back into work and will be here on the blog more frequently moving forward. I hope to keep things a bit more real as I do so, because mine is a life far from perfect.
Stick around and join me on a journey as I relocate to a new home for a fresh start. I’ve got Alecia Keyes ready to roll once again and have loads of fun posts and projects to share about my new house – Westfield Place.